First up…this is not my post, it is edited from another site. But it struck a cord with me. So thanks fellow blogger:
Nobody realises how much alcohol is affecting my life. But it’s making me really depressed. If my friends, family, or anyone I worked with could read this they would be shocked. I highly doubt that they view me with someone as a problem.
- I’ve never had a bad accident when drunk(just the odd mysterious bruise).
- I’ve never been in trouble with the law (except once banned from driving, caught over the limit one morning).
- I’ve never made any risky sexual decisions (as far as I remember).
- I ’ve never upset someone badly through something I’ve said when drunk (as far as I remember).
- I’m generally someone who others would consider a loving and happy drunk (as far as I remember).
Shame I couldn’t confirm this for you, because I rarely can accurately or fully remember past the first half of what I drink.
I have embarrassed myself by saying too much, being inappropriate, falling over, and being in a state, basically. I cringe to think how I must have looked. I’ve flirted with the wrong people, cancelled plans due to hangovers or the prospect of drinking, disappeared on nights out and left my friends wondering where I was. I’ve made incoherent phonecalls in the middle of the night, and day. I’ve damaged my body, I’ve cut myself, I’ve burnt myself, I’ve knackered my liver.
I’ve not given myself 100% to my work or to my relationships because I’ve been recovering (usually mentally) from a blackout that occurred perhaps days before. I’ve avoided going anywhere due to my worries about what I’ve done during said blackouts. I’ve lost my credit card, phone, keys, wallet while out and had the hassle of sorting that out without having to explain why is a nightmare.
- I’ve wasted so much time and money drinking.
- I’ve wasted so much time worrying about my drinking.
- I’ve wasted the most time thinking about how great my life would be if I didn’t drink.
- I’ve wasted so much time planning where to buy alcohol so the shop round the corner ‘doesn’t know’.
- I’ve wasted too much time trying to cut down or drink like a normal person. I can’t.
My struggles are internal. I have few friends, my family isn’t close, my 4 year old son lives hundreds of miles away, I feel I have no life and nowhere to turn (until recently).
I need to stop now before I loose everything. I’m lucky I have a nice flat, a job…..for now.
I stopped for one month 4 years ago and struggled to cut down since then. I stopped for one week last year but withinin days was back to the same level of drinking. I started back having a few drinks here and there, enjoying it immensely, worrying what the fuss was all about, until suddenly I’m waking up again wondering what the hell happened last night.
It’s amazing what we can force ourselves to forget.