How very true, and I needed to hear that.

So, today is day 1 and to say it’s been an emotional ride doesn’t come close to describing how I feel. It’s now 7.30pm and right in the middle of my ‘normal’ drinking time, and it’s hard. I didn’t expect it to be easy but I have been counting down the time to when I should next take my meds.Rattle and Hum

Now, as I don’t think I can wait any longer. So, anyway….back to today. Well I turned up at The Drive and went into the group room feeling apprehensive to say the least. I had no idea really what to expect. I’ll not go in to details but it was a small diverse group and, despite me not liking to talk in groups, unless I’ve had a few drinks; the session went well.

I was  breathalysed (in private) and was 3 times over the drink driving limit :-/ So that’s an embarassingly high 100+ microgrammes of alcohol per 100 millilitres of breath. Not a very auspicious start to the detox week but I knew it wasn’t going to be good and I had explained before today that this weekend just gone was going to be tough. But that’s now it. No more madness…it stops today.

So, back to the meds. In a break I was given:

Chlordiazepoxide – “Chlordiazepoxide hydrochloride is a medicine which is used to treat anxiety. It makes people feel less agitated and less tense”. Well it helped earlier today but it taking it’s sweet time to kick in now. And I need it. I am feeling all those things, anxious, agitated, sweaty palms, shakey hands….I know there is no miracle cure but this feelings isn’t good. And yes I want a drink, and no I’m not going to have one. I am at a bit of a loss as to what to drink instead though. By now I’d have had a few pints in the pubs and now chugging my way throught the first bottle of wine. Soda water isn’t quite cutting it right now.

Acamprosate – “Acamprosate calcium is used in the treatment of alcohol dependence. It works by reducing the desire or craving to drink alcohol. It is only given to people who have successfully stopped drinking. Acamprosate calcium helps to reduce the chances of you drinking again“. Well I really hope this one works. Everyone is different but for me at the moment I can’t say it’s 100% effective. Maybe if I have a few sober days under my belt it will help. Only time will tell. Again, there is no magic potion.

Vitamins – Specifically Thiamine 100mg, Multivitamins and Vitamin B Strong. Well, hopefully I will start to eat better and these wont be so necessary. Although Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS) is a concern, it’s a spectrum of disease resulting from thiamine deficiency, and usually related to alcohol abuse.

So, after the group session finished I was in a bit of a state. I had no idea what to do for the rest of the day and my mind was racing away with all sorts of worries and self doubts. It was only by coincidence that I had a session with EH, my Care Co-ordinator straight after. Which is where those really helpful words came from…

“Today is just about not drinking”

Just don’t panick, keep perspective, get through today….just don’t drink. Tomorrow is tomorrow.

So actually I went to bed for a few hours. Avoidince isn’t a long term plan but it got me through the afternoon. I doubt I’ll sleep well tonight anyway.

So, feeling positive at the end of day 1, I know it is early days and I do plan on taking one day at a time. I’m about to take my final dose of the day and then off to bed with a good book. The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton.

Illuminaries

Lets hope Day 2 is just as positive!

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